No love

Blimey it had been a looooong time since I had written here.

I miss doing this. Coming here. Writing what I want. Being anonymous.

Another year has passed and I'm still single...

Another year has passed and another guy I like doesn't want me... Well, it's a bit more complicated than that actually. We met each other a few months ago but only decided (well, I suggested it) to go out a couple of months ago. It lasted a month. 4 dates to be precise. And then came the conversation "it's not working for me, not feeling it, it's not you, it's me". The latter just drives me up the wall. I hated myself for not seeing it coming but was pretty ok the next day. After all it was 4 dates and no strong feelings developed.

But we had started as friends, so decided we should try and remain friends. We meet again, and (surprise, surprise) have a wonderful time together. He is getting a bit close during the evening and I'm not really replying but also not stopping him. As it gets to an uncomfortable moment when he has his hand on my leg and I'm doing nothing we discuss the end and I'm very relaxed saying "no worries, I see what you mean, it's not that there was anything wrong, it was just that there was nothing right".

And here comes the part that basically made me go speechless and has led me to come here to write: "no, that's not it. I really enjoy your company and I am still attracted to you. However the age difference could become an issue. My heart is saying one thing but my brain is saying another."

Basically, he's confused, and has admitted to that. I wasn't! I was already moving on and already been on a date with one guy (with a second one on the cards) and trying to get a couple of other dates.

I am now in a strange situation that it seems like he's going to make the call if we get back together or not. And I'm in the bad situation that some feeling stuff has now resurfaced (faced with the new information as to why he broke this off). Also, I'm now wondering if I really want to try this again (if he changes his mind) cause what tells me we won't brake it all off again in months time when his brain rules, rather than his heart?

And they say women are complicated...