Monday 22 August 2016
Saturday 20 August 2016
Monday 25 July 2016
Tuesday 12 July 2016
Saturday 9 July 2016
Thursday 7 July 2016
Tuesday 5 July 2016
Sunday 3 July 2016
Thursday 30 June 2016
Tuesday 28 June 2016
Sunday 26 June 2016
Friday 24 June 2016
Thursday 23 June 2016
Wednesday 22 June 2016
After the storm...
Comes the calm...
Everything is so right in my life right now I'm almost afraid something wrong will happen. I try to push these negative thoughts out of my mind because I think that if you think bad things, bad things WILL happen.
So maybe that's it... I've had the storm(s): the bad relationships, the unhealthy life, the traumas, the job I hated, the boss who treated me horribly, the breakups, the betrayals... And now it's time for the calm: the good relationship, working on my health(s), a job I like, a boss who's not great but is getting better, living in a city I love. And indeed things can always get better, but they are pretty good right now.
There are things that used to annoy me in the past and now, I just don't seem to care. I just don't think they're worth spending energy on. I prefer to use my energy to help others. I do some volunteering and I can't wait to be able to do some more.
I'm happy. I'm getting to grips with being in peace with myself. Accepting, moving on, growing...
Everything is so right in my life right now I'm almost afraid something wrong will happen. I try to push these negative thoughts out of my mind because I think that if you think bad things, bad things WILL happen.
So maybe that's it... I've had the storm(s): the bad relationships, the unhealthy life, the traumas, the job I hated, the boss who treated me horribly, the breakups, the betrayals... And now it's time for the calm: the good relationship, working on my health(s), a job I like, a boss who's not great but is getting better, living in a city I love. And indeed things can always get better, but they are pretty good right now.
There are things that used to annoy me in the past and now, I just don't seem to care. I just don't think they're worth spending energy on. I prefer to use my energy to help others. I do some volunteering and I can't wait to be able to do some more.
I'm happy. I'm getting to grips with being in peace with myself. Accepting, moving on, growing...
Charley is not single anymore... ?
So in the end he was confused, and in the end the hear overruled the brain. We started as "friends" till it got to the point that I said I didn't want to be just "friends". I wanted more commitment. He got scared, either of us separating or of us getting together or both...
But we have been and still are together.
And I'm still scared... I'm scared he'll leave me again, I'm scared he'll find someone younger, I'm scared his brain will rule again... But I need to get passed this. And I'm getting less scared...
But we have been and still are together.
And I'm still scared... I'm scared he'll leave me again, I'm scared he'll find someone younger, I'm scared his brain will rule again... But I need to get passed this. And I'm getting less scared...
Monday 8 February 2016
Sunday 7 February 2016
Saturday 6 February 2016
Friday 5 February 2016
Thursday 4 February 2016
Wednesday 3 February 2016
Tuesday 2 February 2016
Monday 1 February 2016
Sunday 31 January 2016
No love
Blimey it had been a looooong time since I had written here.
I miss doing this. Coming here. Writing what I want. Being anonymous.
Another year has passed and I'm still single...
Another year has passed and another guy I like doesn't want me... Well, it's a bit more complicated than that actually. We met each other a few months ago but only decided (well, I suggested it) to go out a couple of months ago. It lasted a month. 4 dates to be precise. And then came the conversation "it's not working for me, not feeling it, it's not you, it's me". The latter just drives me up the wall. I hated myself for not seeing it coming but was pretty ok the next day. After all it was 4 dates and no strong feelings developed.
But we had started as friends, so decided we should try and remain friends. We meet again, and (surprise, surprise) have a wonderful time together. He is getting a bit close during the evening and I'm not really replying but also not stopping him. As it gets to an uncomfortable moment when he has his hand on my leg and I'm doing nothing we discuss the end and I'm very relaxed saying "no worries, I see what you mean, it's not that there was anything wrong, it was just that there was nothing right".
And here comes the part that basically made me go speechless and has led me to come here to write: "no, that's not it. I really enjoy your company and I am still attracted to you. However the age difference could become an issue. My heart is saying one thing but my brain is saying another."
Basically, he's confused, and has admitted to that. I wasn't! I was already moving on and already been on a date with one guy (with a second one on the cards) and trying to get a couple of other dates.
I am now in a strange situation that it seems like he's going to make the call if we get back together or not. And I'm in the bad situation that some feeling stuff has now resurfaced (faced with the new information as to why he broke this off). Also, I'm now wondering if I really want to try this again (if he changes his mind) cause what tells me we won't brake it all off again in months time when his brain rules, rather than his heart?
And they say women are complicated...
I miss doing this. Coming here. Writing what I want. Being anonymous.
Another year has passed and I'm still single...
Another year has passed and another guy I like doesn't want me... Well, it's a bit more complicated than that actually. We met each other a few months ago but only decided (well, I suggested it) to go out a couple of months ago. It lasted a month. 4 dates to be precise. And then came the conversation "it's not working for me, not feeling it, it's not you, it's me". The latter just drives me up the wall. I hated myself for not seeing it coming but was pretty ok the next day. After all it was 4 dates and no strong feelings developed.
But we had started as friends, so decided we should try and remain friends. We meet again, and (surprise, surprise) have a wonderful time together. He is getting a bit close during the evening and I'm not really replying but also not stopping him. As it gets to an uncomfortable moment when he has his hand on my leg and I'm doing nothing we discuss the end and I'm very relaxed saying "no worries, I see what you mean, it's not that there was anything wrong, it was just that there was nothing right".
And here comes the part that basically made me go speechless and has led me to come here to write: "no, that's not it. I really enjoy your company and I am still attracted to you. However the age difference could become an issue. My heart is saying one thing but my brain is saying another."
Basically, he's confused, and has admitted to that. I wasn't! I was already moving on and already been on a date with one guy (with a second one on the cards) and trying to get a couple of other dates.
I am now in a strange situation that it seems like he's going to make the call if we get back together or not. And I'm in the bad situation that some feeling stuff has now resurfaced (faced with the new information as to why he broke this off). Also, I'm now wondering if I really want to try this again (if he changes his mind) cause what tells me we won't brake it all off again in months time when his brain rules, rather than his heart?
And they say women are complicated...
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